Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
