i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
