chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Randomize
