I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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