You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
