BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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