worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I want a musical about memes.
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