I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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