Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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