somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
