How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
