doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
