she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize