we have pet lesbian snakes
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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