be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
