Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
