I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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