i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
