i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize