I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize