I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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