so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
