Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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