thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
