Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
