oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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