One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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