She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
God I need to hump something, right now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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