Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize