Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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