Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
