im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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