My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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