so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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