What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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