Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
