i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
