I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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