from now on my penis is your penis
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
