Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
