Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize