If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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