My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
