After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
