he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
