we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
