The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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