I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
