i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
