As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
