The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
