I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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