Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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