I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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