You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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