Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
