i think my tv is drunk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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