I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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