dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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