I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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