I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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