conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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