Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
