No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i already hear my dad disowning me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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