Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
