did you get engaged???
one two three fourrrrnication!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize