That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
