I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you didnt know i had herpes?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
