In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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