Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize