after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
