I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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