No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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