You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
