Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
