when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
