Small penises have feelings too.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
