That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
