he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
