I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
