Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
