I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
